I’ll take care of you like Godzilla took care of the Japanese

I’ll take care of you like Godzilla took care of the Japanese

Every now and then, my father has a fantastic turn of phrase.  I remember in one case when I was going through some major medical problems, he asked me to come home so that my mother could “take care of me like Gozilla took care of the Japanese.”  That’s always amused me, but I’m finding that in many cases that’s true of China as well.  I find that most women like to do the delicate work of putting in a finishing nail with a 50 pound sledgehammer. 

You always hear, in business, about how subtle the Chinese are when making deals, but I think that that’s a misinterpretation of the situation.  It’s not subtlety, it’s a lack of a desire to commit to anything but to hint at the fact that you want to commit.  In this way, if things don’t go through, you didn’t promise anything, thus there is no loss of face.  If things go further and forward, then you’re covered on all bases.  In China, there is no such thing as sarcasm, try it if you want, nobody will understand.  The same goes for subtlety.  They’ll either assume that you’re trying to save face and that it’s not a done deal, or they won’t get what you’re trying to allude to.  This goes for personal as well as business, on all counts.   What it comes down to though, is when you’re doing business with the Chinese, if they are on soft ground, or have shaky footing, they will do everything to safe face and deflect responsibility, if the deal is rock solid, they’ll pound the finishing nail in with a sledgehammer.  They see your side of things the same way as well, if you’re more subtle, they will assume that you’re on shaky ground, something to keep in mind.

I’ve been trying to determine what to write lately, and since I didn’t really have anything interesting to say, I really haven’t updated at all.  That’s probably not a good thing, but, I’ve just been studying, and attempting to get better at Chinese.  I have accomplished a few other things lately.  When I first moved here, I asked many expats where to go to register with the local law enforcement, every single person I asked stated that it was voluntary, and not necessarily a good idea.  Unfortunately, for me, I didn’t check with those who I now consider friends.  One of my friends informed me that the police had started rounding people up in the expat district to see if they were registered and were carrying their passport.  Those are two of the requirements on your visa, although, you’d be hard pressed to find out where it says that, the only way is to go on the Chinese government website to find out, if you use an agent, as I did, he’s supposed to inform you.  My agent may have done so, but was so hard to understand, that I’m not really sure whether he did or not.  Once you’re here, you can’t just go into any police station to register, although that would be nice.  If you go into the wrong one, rest assured that nobody will speak English nor be able to tell you where you’re supposed to go, they will give you blank looks until you leave.

I recommend finding an expat business owner, they have the source of all news in the expat community (clientele), and they know where and what you need to do to keep your visa.  So, I got the address, hopped in a cab and went to register.  There was a line up for foreigners with a pile of Chinese people in line, so, I decided to just wander to the front (they have 3 other line ups to use), and hope that someone spoke English.  She spoke less English than I speak Chinese, so, it wasn’t overly helpful.  She gave me a form that has English on it, but the translation is brutal.  It also mentioned that I needed to get some passport sized photos, and so I wandered away with the form.  It took me a couple of days to fill it out, the directions are extremely confusing, and they want your address written out in Chinese, so, I ended up just taking it to my teacher to fill it out.  I found a place to take some pictures, and went back.  They typed all of the information into the computer, ensuring that all things were spelled wrong 4 or 5 times, but, making different errors each time, and then I was registered.

By law you are required to carry your passport at all times.  They will not accept a photocopy or even a picture on your phone.  If you lose your passport, you’re going to be in a world of misery.  You will need to go to your embassy, which is usually in a different city than you are.  Once there, you’ll get a temp passport, then you’ll have to go to the Chinese government to get an exit visa.  You’ll need to leave the country with that exit visa and your temp passport, head home and reapply for your passport and reapply for your visa.  You will need to fly home, wait for however long all of that takes, usually 3 to 4 weeks, then fly back. 

If you don’t carry your passport, you may be held up in a police station for up to 3 hours.  If you don’t register you will be fined, and you can be put in jail for up to 10 days or deported.  Most likely though that you’ll be fined. 

If you ever get arrested in China, it is your right to ask for someone who speaks English.  That’s actually your only actual right in China.  If you waive this right and attempt to speak any Chinese when a policeman is around, you’re going to be in a pile of trouble.  Ignorance is bliss, embrace that thought pattern.  The English speaking policemen work out of the expat zone, Shekou.  All of those policemen have actually been to America, and actually understand the idea of human rights.  That’s not to say that you have any, but they understand what you think you have, and thus tend to give you a lot of leeway.  Dealing with these cops is the only way that you’ll get out of real trouble, which is what you will find if you show off your Chinese skills to local policemen. 

Also, you can explain to the Shekou cops that while you realize that you must carry your passport at all times, you know that there are some dishonest people in China, and that you don’t want to lose your passport, so, you keep it locked in a safe in your apartment.  If you have registered, they will have a copy of your passport scanned into their computer and it takes, on average, 3 hours for them to find you in that computer.  If you’re not registered, and you don’t have your passport, you risk massive penalties, or, depending on the mood of the arresting officer, possible expulsion or 10 days in a Chinese jail. 

I talked to someone who spent 3 out of the 10 days in Chinese jail, he recommends that you bring some way to charge up your cell phone, as they don’t take anything away from you, just put you in jail, and there are no chargers.  Personally, I’d rather just register and avoid the hassle of experiencing actual jail in China.  He was finally able to contact someone to get him out, but only because he had his cell phone on him, turned off all but essential functions, and had a charger pack for it as well.  Guangxi got him out.

So, while I love this place, and I do find that there is a lot of freedom here, you also have “more freedom, no human rights”.  It’s actually not for everyone, and after meeting many who do love it here, I realize that it takes a special sort of mindset and way of thought to see the positives for positives, as for many they are absolutely negatives. 

For example:  You are always being watched in China, at all times.  First of all, you stick out…you might think that you’re a local, but, for me, I’m still 6’0”, bigger than almost everyone I see, white, and thoroughly not Chinese.  Even if I speak Chinese, that won’t cover up the physical inconsistencies.  So, you will never ever blend in and become part of a crowd here.  Secondly, there’s camera’s everywhere.  Some of them work, some of them probably don’t, and some just aren’t being monitored.  But, there are many cameras’ that are.  I’ve taken to waving and saying hi to them.  I’ve noticed a couple of Chinese people who find that amusing, but I’ve noticed them starting to do it as well.  Truth is, they don’t bother me at all.  They are part of the reason that China is safe.  Would you steal something knowing full well that you are on camera doing so and that you have no human rights?  Doesn’t seem like a wise choice to me.  You are 100% going to get caught, and it is not going to be pleasant when you do.

There is some sort of security force everywhere you go.  Some of them have no authority whatsoever, but… everyone reports to someone, and if that someone doesn’t have authority, the next person up the line does… or eventually does.  Again, I like it, it makes me feel safe.  I have never been anywhere in the world where you felt absolutely safe at any given time in any given place.  I haven’t met anyone here who has ever been mugged.  I haven’t even talked to anyone who has ever been mugged.  I have friends who have flashed cash in a bar at 3 am, and still managed to drunkenly wander back home without any problems whatsoever. 

People mention how you get cheated here.  Honestly, that’s part of China, but, it all depends on what you want to do with that lesson.  Do you want to learn from it or complain about it?  If you want to complain about it, why didn’t you just contact the police to begin with?  They’ll come in and make everyone’s life difficult, the end result is that you’ll have your money back, and never be allowed into the establishment or store again.  If you learn from it, and can figure out how you were taken advantage of, it won’t happen again.  If you constantly run to others to solve your problems, you will never be able to make it on your own.

I have more to add, but it’s getting late, and I want to get this off and go to bed.