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Saturday, March 16, 2013

Red Bull and Mayonaise

Red bull here sucks.  there's two different types.  there's some labeled red bull in a squat yellow can.  there's some that look like real red bull in a red bull style can.  there is a type of equipment, i can't remember what it's called, but it specializes in analyzing smells and tastes and allowing you to chemically reproduce them exactly.  i don't know that i can describe the tastes... the one in the red bull style can smells like red bull, tastes like a cross between red bull syrup, some sort of stagnant water, and kind of reminds me of those bottle cap candies that i will probably never be able to stomach again.  the one in the squat yellow can tastes awful...that's one that i've been unable to even attempt to place the taste.

So, Mei gives me a ring last night, it has a bar code on it and the numbers "1314520".  i'm stumped, but decided to just wear it, and hope for the best (maybe there's no tracking id chip in this ring.)  i asked her what it meant, and she said she didn't know, but that i would eventually figure it out.  i don't know why people get to know me and still give me more credit than they should!  i finally looked it up, it says, in chinese, "131, 452 are two sets of numbers have been used all of the world, for life i love you."

i was talking to my sister, Paula, this morning, while mei made breakfast, she was happily, quietly eating beside me and handed me a jar to open, i wasn't paying attention to what it was, and she knew i was calling long distance so she just continued to feed me occasionally while doing her own thing.  in the middle of the call, she placed some hot chilli jelly from her hometown...this stuff is fermented and beyond potent, all i tasted was burning...paula heard me yell, why would you do that...mei said, "What?  is good!!!"  then she smiled her evil little grin and laughed at me while i said, "burning....so burning...can breath fire!!"  i think she enjoys bringing my english skills down to her level.  tomorrow the little sadist is taking me mountain climbing....after playing badminton for a couple of hours. 

badminton....chinese LOVE badminton, it's as much of an obsession with them as ping pong is with koreans.  i've always thought it was a simple sport, but it's not easy when they are all at about professional levels.  we looked at rackets yesterday, they wanted 100 kuai for each racket, and 50 kuai for a set of 3 birdies.  i don't know what happened, we walked out of the store having purchased both rackets, the birdies, and a ledger for 79 kuai.  i have to learn chinese so i can figure out what she's doing.  she never gets upset, i catch words like expensive, and incomprehensible muttering from her every time, and after anywhere from 20 minutes to 3 hours, we're paying 10-30% of asking price.  she actually gets better prices than most chinese people that i know.  thomas was stumped watching her last bargaining session, which saved us all over half what his chinese friends normally pay... at a ktv.  it's pure insanity.  she really is looking forward to taking my sister's shopping....i'm not allowed to go, and i'm kind of grateful, i'd rather watch the girls come home trying to explain how they got a dress for 10 kuai, when the asking price was over 100.  it's a bit mind-boggling.  she does really well with my friends here as well.  every single one asks where i found her, and if we can find a clone of her for them.  the other night, she had her sister (cousin - but they're close, so she's a sister, i guess) come out with us to ktv.  she apologized after to me and my friends because her sister is so fat.  i don't have a clue where this tall, beautiful woman was supposedly fat, but, it seems to be a common thing here.  mei apologizes to me sometimes for being fat too, i always tell her that she's as skinny as death, and she's happy for another day or two.

Mei has decided to show me why i need her in my life, so she has been taking it upon herself to cook for me every meal possible.  she has asked for a key to my place to clean while i'm away and so that she can have lunch and dinner made for me.  she's an excellent cook, and, while the food is a bit spicy, it's also the best food i've had in my entire life (for chinese food, please don't cut me off mom!), she's looking forward to teaching my family how to cook....except for boys, we're not allowed in the kitchen, ever.  apparently the kitchen is the woman's domain, and you're liable to be stabbed if you step foot in there.  i did get a cleaning lady a week and a half ago, and mei wants to be able to watch her like a hawk, make sure she does what she's supposed to, instead of wandering lost doing nothing as usual.  the first day, this lady was amazing, the second she was awful, same with the 3rd time, yesterday.  i told mei that this time we would give her a list of things that neither of us want to do, and watch her work for the entire time, so that she gets something done.

if you leave the airconditioners here running too long, you will have a lake, so, whenever i'm able to, i just run a fan and open a window.  last night, i apparently let in a herd of mosquitoes.  i have never had so many bites on my back in my life, it's actually a bit uncomfortable right now.  hopefully it will go away soon, although it's already starting to feel better.

i know that everyone wants pictures, the problem is that i have literally thousands.  so, i thought the best thing to do would be to just ask...what do you want pictures of?  let me know and i'll send them.  do you want pictures of my apartment, the city, the city at night, the water heater that confounds me, my apartment building, my school, night shots of the city and all the lights?  just let me know and i'll send them out.  if you want pictures of people in my life, i'm happy to do that as well.  a couple of them are out of town for a week, on the exploring path.  thomas hit a wall of sorts, with the language, and he's taking a sanity break from learning chinese, just working on drawing letters properly, and figuring out how to do it fast, but after 6 months of chinese, he needs some time to let it settle.  i hit the wall every now and then, not a giant one, but i hit the point where new words don't stick at all, and i don't have a clue as to what to do about it.  i finally asked thomas and he recommended either taking time off, or dropping my lessons down.  he also says that once you get to the point where you can actually talk to people, it's almost worth dropping hours down to 2 hours and getting more practice in with people. 

i got together with my bank manager last night.  we played dice, and hung out, he brought a friend from hong kong who is a childrens dentist.  i brought mei along with me.  steve, the bank manager, told me that when his girlfriend gets back from her visit to her hometown, that he wants to get her together with mei.  apparently, mei's accent is beijing, which is considered the best accent in chinese, and his girlfriend is working on her mandarin, she speaks her hometown language and cantonese, but needs work on english and putongwa.  he's a very neat guy, he's 29, and will bend over backwards to help out his customers, this branch has only been open for 2 months.  he actually texts me one his way home from work to let me know when my funds are in and i'm set up to exchange from CDN to RMB, unless he is not busy during the day, and he'll text me as soon as he can.  he actually watches my account for me like a hawk, i have to say, i quite like that.  he wants to develop a friendship together, and he's also asked me if i'd be willing to help his staff with their conversational english.  i told him that i would do so on one condition, that they not pay me for it, because i have zero interest in being an english teacher.  he said that he thinks that he can live with that condition. 

i got the leak in my bathroom fixed.  the part was 21 RMB (it was 35, but the crazy person i sent out to get it, talked them down to 21), and 30 RMB for the install.  he also diagnosed the water heater problem, looked at the pipes and said that the heater was done, and to replace it.  he thinks the install is 100 RMB, but no idea on the part.  i used to think that my landlord paid for stuff, it turns out that they just bill me later, i'm not really sure on how the set up works.  i also deposited my rent on the 1st of the month instead of the 12th, and they got all bent out of shape.  apparently, i need to call ahead and warn them if i'm going to attempt to pay early.  i told them that if they want english speaking people to understand the contract, they should possibly think about translating it into english.  i can see the amount i need to pay, and the account number it goes into, that's it for english.  they even have the due date buried in the contract somewhere in chinese...while i can decipher dates here, i still find it difficult to find the 4 characters i know in a 4 page document.

i'm going to go out in search of something not spicy to eat!  (tired of KFC as i can't handle the amount of mayonaise they put on everything....that reminds me, a word of advice:  do not order anything with alfredo sauce in china unless it's an upscale italian restaurant.  the last time i tried al fredo spaghetti in a chain restaurant, it was actually mayo with cilantro in it...i know that the chinese people looked at the dish, saw white sauce, and said, "I know what that is!)

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