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Saturday, March 23, 2013

Don't Eat the Pandas!!!!

This little anecdote may be a little obvious to all of you, but as it's something that i just learned last night, i thought i would pass it on.  i was shopping in Gangxia with Mei last night (the very chinese centre of gangxia, i'd take pictures, but i'm never sure who shouldn't be seen in a picture, so, it's best not to, i suspect it's the guy riding the very illegal R1 motorcycle down the crowded streets...it's a bit like the small side streets of china town in big american cities multiplied by 1,000) and i mentioned that i'd like to go to Chengdu.  Now, you should know that there is only one reason to go to Chengdu, and even chinese people have zero interest in visiting there outside of seeing the pandas.  i suggested that we go and get pictures holding the baby pandas, then we see if we can scare up a hunting trip and have some Panda Stir Fry.  the look of shock, horror, and absolute disgust with impending violence was somewhat unexpected.  apparently, the chinese see the Panda as the baby of China.  while i think that "dead baby" jokes in America are somewhat tasteless (how do you unload a truckload of dead babies?  with a pitchfork.), apparently, in china, you don't even joke about killing or eating a Panda.  i learned that lesson very, very well in a very painful way.  fortunately for me, my arms were full of groceries of dubious origin, so i was unable to defend myself.  i now have tiny bruises all over, and it took her a good 2 or 3 hours to calm down.

a few of you know that mei refers to me as Panda Pyne.  for whatever reason, you all seem to think it's a cute pet name.  it's actually because the panda in kung fu panda is so fat, and she constantly compares how fat i am with kung fu panda.  it's actually not nice at all, but it's just one more thing that you accept here.  my friend thomas's teacher calls him her "fat little pig".  i prefer panda, he prefers pig, thinks the panda title is a little too mean, even for chinese, personally, i can deal with that one.  i've actually lost 30-40 pounds since i got here.  (through eating purely chinese food, walking to and from school and then every where else every day - probably walk 5-7 miles per day on a regular basis, and most weekends we go hiking in chinese mountains - stairs...millions and millions of stairs).  so, i look better than when i got here, but i've hit the point where i refuse the exercise regimen that she's attempted to put me on every morning.  yoga hurts, when taught by the chinese.  actually....everything hurts in china.  massages are not pleasant experiences, most tell you that they feel better 3 or 4 days after the massage, when the bruising is down.  they have a procedure here called cupping, i'm going to give it a try in a week or so, as soon as i either find a place, or find a friend who hasn't had the experience yet.  they bring out these little jars.  they place the jars above the pressure points in your back, then light a fire sucking out the oxygen, causing the jar to clamp over your pressure point.  it is supposed to suck all of the toxins out...what it definitely does, if nothing else, is causes little red blotches all over your skin.  half the people tell me that it worked really well as a stress reliever and that their back felt a thousand times better afterwards, the other's described the process as "pain.....pain....pain....pain....(etc)".  i suspect that it's a combination of the two.  at least when my friends or family figure out how to visit, i'll be able to tell them whether or not the pain is worth it. 

if you do decide to come to china and want to get a massage, let me know.  there are two types of massages in china.  you definitely would not be interested in one type, unless you have lose morals and no wife who would get upset.  that's up to you.  i can't tell the difference between the two from outside, it becomes immediately obvious when you go in though.  now, though, i do have a couple of places that i know of that give real massages, it'll cost between 40-50 rmb, and goes for 80-160 minutes.  i guarantee you're relaxed afterwards if in a bit of pain, and feeling like you were beat up.  my favourite is the foot massage.  they place your feet into scalding water, then massage your back and neck, generally with their elbows pushing into your knots or pressure points as hard as they possibly can.  they then sit you back down, get you some tea, and go to work on your legs and feet.  you would not believe the pain, but...2 days later, you feel incredible.

Mei is at work right now.  she goes to work at this place at 9 am, and usually is off around 10 pm.  right now, they're in training for sales.  so, they start out the day by doing as many pushups they can do in 2 minutes, to prove that they are strong enough to do a chinese massage.  Mei is ahead of the class at 30 pushups, the next one down is at 15, should i be scared?  of course, she only weighs 90 lbs, so, i think it's easier for her than for the rest of us, right?  right???  anyway, then they do yoga, and a pile of other exercises before they start this sales school.  they get one 15 minute break for lunch, and the rest of the time, they write like crazy.  we purchased her a new ringed notepad for her first day, this is her second day, it was half full after the first day, she'll probably finish it off today, may have to go out and find another couple for her.  i went through parts of her notes with her yesterday (they're all in chinese, but there's charts).  the chart that i looked at showed the management structure, and it immediately caught my attention.  i then asked her a few questions like:

1.  how many girls are in your training class?
6
2.  how many guys are in your training class?
0
3.  do they have any company materials for you?
no
4.  do you have to purchase something in order for you to sell it?
a small investment only.
5.  what exactly are you selling?
spa merchandise, soaps, lotions, teas, etc.

does this sound familiar to anyone?  the diagram was in the shape of a pyramid.  the unfortunate thing is that due to the laws regarding men and women and finances...specifically a woman's finances if she marries a man, it means that he can take complete control of her finances at any given time.  Mei is a very independent woman, she loves to work hard and push as hard as she can to support her, her parents, and her brother.  as first-born, she feels that that is her duty.  she's terrified that a man will take over, and take all of her money that she saves and sacrifices for, away from her family.  so, my telling her that it sounds exactly like some grey area businesses at home, specifically Amway and Cutco/Vector marketing come to mind....call it pyramid, multi level marketing, or whatever, it still comes down to the same thing.  so, the question is, how do i prevent this from becoming a costly lesson without it sounding as though i don't want her working there, because she is convinced that this is the way for her to move up her social class from poor into the middle class?  perhaps tonight she'll tell me how much of an "investment" they want from her.  it's very unfortunate, but scams that were big in america, work fantastic over here, because most are just getting the idea of what capitalism is, and once they start to learn, they don't see any opportunity as "too good to be true", but as an actual opportunity.  i guess we'll have to see how this goes, and just keep a closer eye on things than i normally would.

I told mei that i was sick yesterday, i think i mentioned that earlier, and she got me some awful medical tea.  well, she also started on a stew this morning that i finished cooking.  it's the oddest thing...i have a bowl and i pass out for an hour.  i've started to identify some of the things in this stew as unidentifiable, and looking suspiciously like chinese medicine.  i've had 3 bowls today, and 3 hour long naps.  it's been an odd day.  i think i'm going to go in search of something else to eat now.





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