Nature vs Nurture

Nature vs Nurture

China is an odd place.  There’s always something going on, something crazy or odd to watch, or something happening.  It’s funny, in some ways that everyone in the outside world wants to know what’s going on in China, but you don’t really get that here.  The problem, I think, comes from the fact that people here tend to do things in their own self-interest.  By way of example, there’s a crazy billionaire in Beijing.  He’s crazy by Chinese standards though, and the reason that he’s considered crazy is because nobody can seem to figure out what his motivation is.  What he’s doing is going out and helping poor people, if they need money, he gives them money, if they need food, he arranges it, if they want to get an education, he makes that happen.  He’s acting selflessly, and because of that, the only reason that Chinese people can seem to come up with to explain his behavior is either because he is trying to draw attention to himself, or that he’s literally insane.  They can’t comprehend that perhaps his travels in other parts of the world, and the fact that he’s built an empire and no longer wants to keep it all to himself… he’s decided to help other people.  I see him in the news often, one “insane” act after another.

I’ve talked to many friends and others and I’ve asked a lot of questions about a variety of things.  One of the most surprising things that I constantly ask about is the fact that Chinese people are against adoption.  I haven’t been able to reconcile myself to the one answer that I keep getting, I find it hard to believe that all of China feels one way.  Apparently, you can’t trust anyone who isn’t family, and who isn’t “blood”.  When you adopt a child, he/she will eventually figure out that he doesn’t look like the 2 of you, so, as soon as he/she figures it out, he/she will immediately take advantage and you will then pay the price. 

In college, we studied the Nature vs Nurture theory, but in China, they don’t believe in the Nurture theory at all, only Nature.  This is why people will always be able to adopt out of China, the Chinese want nothing to do with babies that aren’t theirs.  I still find it amazing that everyone I’ve talked to, regardless of province, feels the same way. 

On top of this attitude, the Chinese culture, and the way things are set up with regards to old age and familial responsibility.  In China, it is the Parent’s job to give all of the support that they possibly can to their children, provide every opportunity possible to ensure that their child is successful in life.  If their child is female, it is her responsibility to find a husband who can provide for her entire family.  If their child is a male, he is expected to take care of his entire family when they are able to work.  There are no retirement programs in China.  There are no programs for older people to make money, and they rarely have savings to live, all of their money has gone into their children. 

On top of all of this, Chinese men will rarely marry a woman over the age of 25.  They have zero interest in women who are divorced or already have a child.  If the child is not theirs, they don’t want anything to do with him/her.  If a girl is not a virgin, she also becomes less desirable. 

So, if a woman is over the age of 25, and wants to get married, she’s generally at a loss as to what to do.  The recent option, though, is to find a foreigner.  Of course, this also presents other problems.  Foreigners have been dating since a young age.  In Chinese culture, most don’t start dating until they’re 18-20.  I know many, many women who are over the age of 28 who have only had 1, or in many cases never had a boyfriend.  They don’t know how to date.  Their families are depending on them to take care of them, and they’re out of options.  They are lost and simply don’t know what to do about it. 

It still amazes me that there are between 1.3 and 2.5 billion Chinese people (believe whatever statistics you want, I know better…nobody has a clue how many people live in China), and a good portion of them are alone and lonely to a degree that’s difficult to understand.

Sorry today is a bit of a downer, I’ve been contemplating dating my friend’s sister-in-law, who  is Chinese.  She’s 28, single, extremely intelligent, a virgin, and is terrified of men.  She doesn’t know how to date, she doesn’t know what to do, and so she’s completely out of her element and comfort zone.  So, right now, we’re trying to do group dates, I’m trying to figure out how to court a girl, before dating, it seems like it should be easier than it is, but, I suppose it’s good to play the long game.  Things that are worthwhile are rarely easy.