I've been asked....

To write down first impressions while they're still fresh in my mind.  
Tell you the truth, i'm confused a great deal, and just using the 
attitude, "accept it and move on".

do NOT drink the red bull, it's awful.  it's actually a vitamin fruit 
juice that smells reminiscent of red bull but tastes worse than 
buckleys.  doesn't even keep you awake, and the ingredients are pure 
fiction.

incidentally, if you want to call me for any reason, the number is 011 
86 13602 659 650.  it's a cell phone, if i were you i wouldn't leave a 
message if that's an option, i don't know how to access it, and i 
probably never will.  everyone seems to think that there is working 
voicemail on their phone, but even those who speak chinese just shrug 
and say, "who knows?".    i suspect that in 6 months to a year i'll be 
able to read my contract and it will probably tell me that information.  
everywhere they asked me to sign on the contract i signed in a different 
manner, hoping that if i made a mistake, i'd be able to get out of the 
contract, i'm not holding my breath though, and i'm also fairly sure 
that it's a prepaid account anyway.  my phone did stop working when i 
doubled the minutes that i was allowed in the first place.

south china is kind of interesting.  everything that i read about china 
may be true in the north, but it's purely fiction down here. i don't 
know any families or any of those who i have met here who only have one 
child.  almost all of them have 3 or more.  there's random security 
guards wandering around who have even less authority than mall cops.  
when they tell someone that they're doing something wrong down here, if 
they're not ignored, you end up with a local yelling at them, "Shut 
up!!  go get a real job!!".  they're incredibly rude, but the truth is, 
that a security guard gets paid about 1200 yuan per month, and they have 
3 jobs to try to live, so, they mostly use the opportunity to sleep, and 
write reports of what they've seen, but nobody ever gets in trouble from 
them.  they give those reports to the cops once a day, and apparently 
all things are good.

it's funny that when i was researching china, and everyone that i talked 
to was afraid of offending chinese people.  so, you bring gifts, etc, 
try not to be the "ignorant american", etc.  the truth is, though, that 
you get a big allowance for being american, canadian, or any sort of 
white foreigner here.  most chinese people don't care at all about what 
you're doing, or even what you're doing wrong, which is comforting to me 
in an odd way.  you can get away with everything, simply by ignoring the 
fact that you've done anything wrong.  if you don't acknowledge it, 
nobody else will, so, it never happened.

money is frustrating.  nobody calls anything remnimbi, or however you 
spell it.  they right RMB and CNY interchangeably, depending on where 
the person is from.  Ren means person.  Ren means money, who knows 
what's going on.  nobody accepts american dollars, best just deposit it 
in your account, and good luck on the exchange rate, that changes 
everywhere you go, probably even between tellers.  it's going to be 
6.?.  Yuan is the currency that was here before RMB, but it's supposed 
to be pronounced Quay (coo aye), although you can also pronounce it 
you-ahn, who knows.  most people just wave fingers at you, so, hand them 
what you think two fingers means...it's probably 12-15 yuan.  there's 
counterfeits everywhere, and you're probably never going to figure that 
out until you go to spend it somewhere else, hold onto them, and 
transfer them to another foreigner if you can.  don't take them to the 
bank, you may get in trouble, or you may just lose it.  i just alternate 
what i call it based on who i'm talking to.

i'm still paying for my adventure with local cuisine, but, i think that 
the main problem is that i keep doing it.  i have decided to believe 
that i can convince my body that this is the way things are now, and 
that eventually it will figure everything out, and i'll be all set.  i'm 
not holding my breath, but, what else can you do?

this upcoming year is the year of the Snake.  i suspect that means that 
i'm going to be in a whole lot of trouble, i was born in the year of the 
rat.  is china going to eat me?  i suspect that the answer is a 
resounding yes.

the best part that i've noticed thus far in China?  i'm considered to be 
"Beautiful"!  tall and a bit bigger is what everyone wants to be.  all 
depends, i guess, if you mind being stared at, taken pictures of, 
pointed at, and random comments that you'll never understand.

there is no such thing as a "fake" in china, it is referred to as 
"chinese version".  in every part of the world, you can take an old 
iPhone in, and trade up to get the new version.  they don't do that here 
as they know that they will get more trade-ins than they have ever 
produced...probably worldwide.  i think i'm going to stick with samsung, 
because it's not manufactured here, i know that i'm getting the real 
product and that it will work properly.

i think i'm going to have to research General Mao.  apparently, the 
smartest move you can make is to become the ultimate admirer and lover 
of him.  chinese people may laugh at you, but they will accept you.  
whatever you do, don't say anything negative...at all, it will be a 
serious error in judgement and will cost you.

motorcycles are illegal in Shenzhen, and i think in Guangdong province.  
those you see wandering around are being ridden illegally.  i suppose 
the advantage to that is that you don't have to pay for registration or 
anything else.  the negative?  you're going to die very, very, very 
soon.  the drivers here are completely insane.  every time i take a cab, 
i'm fascinated by the lack of accidents that we get in.  i'd rather 
drive in italy than attempt it here.  there's no rhyme or reason to the 
lanes, they merge, they become more than one lane, less than one lane, 
disappear, go off in different directions...i think those who painted 
the lines were doing far too much hallucinogens.  i highly recommend a 
cab ride, it's better than any rollercoaster i've ever seen.  you drive 
beside people in the same lane, you usually get dropped off in the 
middle of intersections, i suspect that's because it's hard to get 
change back.  if you're in a normal cab, there's an additional 30 yuan 
to be paid...if you're in an electric cab, you don't have to pay that. 
getting change is a sweet miracle that only happens when someone else 
yells at the cab driver in some way.

pornography in china is illegal.  prostitution is legal.  there is no 
prostitution in china, the entire city that is one big prostitution zone 
does not exist.  can you follow that train of thought?  it's apparently 
the "party" line.  interestingly enough, if you want to completely shame 
the prostitute who's driving you crazy, just tell her that you have no 
desire for what she is selling, and she will run away in shame, because 
her product is therefore inferior.  it makes me uncomfortable and a 
little sad, but is apparently part of life here.

the beggers will stand next to you and shake and rattle their cup. do 
NOT make eye contact, and do not even act like they exist. whatever you 
do, do not give them money.  they make a ton of cash doing it, but it's 
shameful to them and to you if you acknowledge their presence.  if you 
give them money, prepare to have a horde head your way, best to avoid 
that situation.  i keep thinking that that's the easiest way to spend my 
.00001 cent coins that are completely pointless, but i've been advised 
to hold onto them until i figure out the monetary system.  everyone is 
convinced that one day they'll know what to do with them.  i think i'll 
probably drill a hole in them, and make a necklace for my nieces.

so, answer this for me?  i currently live in a city of 16 million 
people.  people rarely go out of whatever neighborhood they live and 
work in.  it's only foreigners who tend to wander all of the districts 
learning their way around.  so, how is it that random people that i come 
into contact with, can find me?  crazy.  you may think you're anonymous 
here, you're not.  it's worse in cities with less foreigners, you become 
instantly famous.

that's it for me, time to go find some random meat on a stick.....